If you can accept that OK, right now she prefers her dad, but that doesnt mean that I am bad or that she hates me. And my dad is simply crazy about her. When he comes home, her face glows in a way that its never glowed for me. If this board is any indication it happens quite a bit. Do so at the times your baby used to nurse. But to love a child DESPITE feeling downright unloved back is extraordinary, seriously. But Im not so sure now, I think my daughter doesnt know Im her mother. I dont know what to do. Please think long and hard before you do so, and before you delude yourself into thinking that leaving the baby with someone other than you for extended periods is no big deal. And that is actually the key to your bonding. Paula, its hard to be a parent but it is very important. What am I doing wrong? Your toddler has been used to having mom all to themselves. Baby swim classes, where the parent is with the child in water (if the baby likes it, of course) is a wonderful way to have fun together, for example.). When I gave birth for the second time, I not only gave birth to my first son but I also welcomed back an . I play with him when all I want to do watch TV or take some time to myself. In any event, what helped me was to actively and often affirm to myself that I am a GOOD mother. Hello everyone i am a stay home mom from the day my baby boy was born i do EVERYTHING for him!!! There are studies showing that babies that are being held a lot actually become independent faster. To help us both my Mom moved in and now stays home with my daughter while I work. So once him and I began dating his daughters mother began using the daughter as leverage to get things in return for him to spend time with his daughter. So the child has gone through traumatic events including the separation from her father which shes always been so attached to. So everything stabilized for me. Take care of yourself during this time. Running away like that is completely unacceptable. Try to not show any hurt feelings if she goes to her grandma; she obviously isnt doing it to hurt you and may become quite confused if she can sense your irritation when it happens. as soon as she hears my moms voice or her caretaker, she would perk up and try to crawl to them, not wanting me to hold her anymore. But I really found some comfort when I found this thread and read about other parents similar experiences. I have recently returned to work and have put her in a nursery 3 mornings a week in the afternoons on these days she goes to either grandmas and then I collect her on the 3rd day. He says I can go away and wants to stay with daddy. I am a stay at home mom with an almost one year old baby girl. 7) Be patient with yourselfat home and at work. our babies love us. Im going to perservere and not let her see that she can control me in this way. I feel terrible when I get home from work and reach out for her and she doesnt want to come with me, we have so much fun together! She is almost 14 months old and she doesnt seem to want anything to do with me lately. I think there are two things you should do. However, my daughter seems to want nothing to do with me. I just wanted to tell the parents here that this has nothing to do with your work or parenting style. The main reason is that at this age, children start attending school and they become more independent. no more crying out 2 daddy when she has a tummy ache.and she hasbecome so excited whn i come home frm work.My husband and I lives in a different continent due to the nature of my work, and he wd come to stay wt us 2-3 times a year at around 5 weeks to 2 months a time.So whn he left for Asia when our baby is 2 months old, we established a routine using the internet via webcam and video calls every single day. so its my mom or her caretaker. But the bond has never come (she is 5 now) I find it hard to love her, probs have more to do with me because I got pregnant again and sort of gave up on her im sorry to say, when my son was born he loved me the best and always wanted me, and she rejected me over and over. I try to comfort him even when hes inconsolable and even when he doesnt seem to want me. Even the same morning, she wanted to be with me and when she woke up from her nap, she did not want me around. Or maybe it is related still not your fault. my love for her isnt based on her feelings for meeven though reciprocation would be nice. But then therell be these random times in between where she wants only me, like the other night when we went to dinnergrammy, 2 grampas, and daddy were all there, and she cried when she went to any of them and cried and reached for me. I am so confused and sad. I am a social worker and therefore I know all about attachment patterns and I just cant work this one out. This is apparently common and it is only frustrating when some outsiders try to make you feel bad about it (they usually have no kids or they are judgmental). Step 1: Bring the nipple (no bottle attached) to the baby's mouth and rub it along the baby's gums and inner cheeks, allowing the baby to get used to the feeling and texture of the nipple. But it is common, normal and it will pass, especially if you can avoid reinforcing it by letting your frustrations shine through to your baby. We started day care 2-3x a week and yesterday I picked him up expecting him to smile and be happy to see me but he just looked away. Talk to your employer to determine the frequency and length of federally-protected pumping breaks. Best of luck. I was nothing more than a pain in the ass to her. well, its not. I have a 3 year old with whom I am going through a very same problem and I am having a really tough time with it. When he was about 10 mos, I went back to work f/t. May I ask how your relationship is when dad is not around? Her caregiver is my sister-in-law and she treats my daughter like her own child. I dont know if maybe he was picking up on my dark mood, my insecurities? Hi I have a grandson 22 months old which I adore and see him most days. Or maybe you will visit your baby at their child care provider during your lunch break and breastfeed. And even use the same child care you plan to use when you go back to work, if possible. Have you ever considered that? When you spend time with your baby, make it 'quality' time . A very sleepy baby may accept a bottle without even realizing it, so if your baby's resisting, try slipping in that target near the end of a nap, when she's still half asleep. Fertility benefits increase loyalty, productivity, and fulfillment. I have been feeling so down recently to see that he doesnt seem to recognise me and prefer my mother in law more than me. If we know why this is happening maybe we can change it! I just adopted a 22-month-old girl, I have had her a week and a half. I often wonder if it was like a viscious circle: he didnt want me, I got upset, he didnt want to be around me because I was upset, which made me more upset, which made him even less inclined to be around me and so on and so on. He is adorable such an angel baby, doesnt cry unless hungry, sleeps all night from 3 months, ready with a smile. I have never been away from her for more than 2 hours before this and now she doesnt even care to see me. They can also act very competitive towards the parent of the same gender. Weekends too. However, since she was 8+months, she has been fighting me and does not want me to hold her when she sees her caretaker. It sounds similar to what many of you have posted, and Im glad to know that Im not the only one going through this. 2 weeks after I had my baby boy I got Post Partum Depression very very bad but I wasnt pushing my baby away I would feed him and play with him everything that I could do for him not to feel my anxiety and depression I am finally out of this depression but I noticed that my son (11 months) would rather be with his aunt than me. going to bed, having her diaper changed, eating (weve had problems with her wanting to eatanother issue entirely), etc.). I dont usually do online chatting, but I needed to get this off my chest. Your son loves you no less because he enjoys the company of his grandma. It is totally heart breaking. Im going back to work next month so I started bottle fed baby at 2.5 mo 3 weeks ago. It isn't exactly easy, balancing the needs of your child with likely way less sleep than you're used to, while trying to be the same employee you were before you left. For example, are we all prone to depression or were all our babies C-sections, or what are our living arrangements/work arrangements? If your baby is upset, she will likely begin to calm down. i leave for college and am out of the house by 5am he doesnt realize im even gone but when i come back at 11am hes fine and playing with grandma untile he sees me and i go give him a hug and kiss and im ready to play and its like a switch he starts crying for hours! I am prone to mild depression and can be a bit of a hermit sometimes. Why do I feel like she doesnt love me anymore. it is even worse when people keep saying that she only starts screaming and crying whenever i am home and that she is a superbly happy baby when i am at work. What a tricky situation you are all in! Its the opposite of what you think. His granddad plays with him every minute he gets with him. It really hurts and more so because i am going through so many medical problems after my pregnancy. So, doing all these these boring things, like putting her to bed, diapering, eating and so on, really should be made as enjoyable as possible. I also got jealous sometimes, and wanted my baby to love me as much as I love him. Discuss a plan with mom. However, there is no way of telling ahead of time whether your baby will go happily from breast to bottle and back again. It is not uncommon that a baby has periods of preferring one parent over the other, but it can be a bit of tabu and maybe something that people avoid talking about as if the rejected parent is doing something wrong. My wife dismisses my concerns so Im looking for the reassurance online. Here is the background: Ive been dating my boyfriend for over a year but knew him and his daughter since she was 8 months. The earlier you start looking, the better. Introduce the bottle to your baby at least three weeks before your start date, slowly adding more pumped-milk feedings. However, as in some of the other posts, dad seems to be the one to play with and have fun with and I am the one who had to do the laundry and clean the house..could this have anything to do with the favoritism? Unfortunately she has developed a deep bond with my mother (as to be expected) and not me. And since you have been at home with him, youre not very exciting. You need to try to get rid of this guilt in your heart! Here's what we tried, and what finally worked! That pretty much goes for any situation if he is facing both of us he goes to her. And one afternoon she suddenly started rejecting me. Try and make him happy. Some things you can try to reconnect faster are to: Laugh together! At the moment we are living in India with my husband and his parent, my son seems to be attached to them more than me. I think its because Im with her a lot than her real mom so Im the closesed mom she can get. It hurt me so much, I feel as if lm not doing enough. Thank you and keep your heads up!! What can I do? Here is the good news: you are not alone. even when am not with her she plays with her grand mother or even neighbors. He goes to grandma no matter what but me no its very hard not to get upset but I cant even write a sentence without crying now. It was more about me I think than him. Try to stay bright and relaxed, it really WILL get better. Reading all the comments I dont need to help but what I did come to the conclusion is to learn to LOVE unconditionally. So here comes my last advice. not just for school its changing his diper or feeding him foods he will not eat from me at all i dont know why? Eventually I had to admit that this was not helping either her or me and quit with breastfeeding, something that hurts me to my core. I might as well try to change my perception of what is happening. They fidget a lot or hate getting messy. It really upsets me because her dad or greatgrandmother can get her when she starts doing this to me and she is fine. I have to give her a bath, I have to brush her teeth, I have to feed her, I am the only to play with her and I am the one to read bed time stories. We dont know what happened while she was in the other state but I think she needs to have that bond with her mother. I can understand that your sons behavior is making you sad. (And no chords these evening until your baby is asleep! Thats good too; try to see that. Hopefully Ill be able to post later and say that things are different. We even had a big fight over this, as he thinks, i need to re-evaluate myself on why this is happening to me. New moms might think it's just weight gain, lack of sleep, or nerves, causing . A boy and a girl. Over the 2 years I have been in a terrible custody battle and its still going on right now. And do things together all of you. And then I would try to get busy with something else and just basically not make a bigger deal than it already was for me. You know, she is way too young to be that rancorous. Those five weeks where he preferred his daddy over me where the hardest things Ive had to face since becoming a mum. So much for breastfeeding and bonding. He cant even get close to here with a crying. Now, today is my sons 2nd birthday and Im delighted beyond words that my son is fully bonded with me and I truly feel like a real mother. Thanks. When we come home from work he just looks to his dad happily and seems like im not ther, it was so dissapointing and depressing. Since you are at home, you have a lot of chances. Mom is getting really depressed with this and is the reason for many of the heated arguments between us. Honestly, I feel like there must be something inherently wrong with me for my own (9 month) baby not to love me as much as my partner. She just wants me to go away from her. I feel as though he hates me. Pace yourself, with paced feeding. Do whatever it takes to push her to her place. I have been with my 4 month old since birth and she recently started to stop laughing at me or anything I do and I try so hard. Please help! what you said makes perfect sense. And Im 14!! she sees her dad may be once or twice a months. and I'll see you tonight! She really doesnt like me and its getting worse. Use this time to get down on the floor and play with her, take a bath together, read her a story, curl up in bed and tell her a bed story or sing to her or do whatever she loves doing. For example, dinner time could be a point in time where after your mom stays away from your daughter as much as possible. I guess what really hurts my feelings is that when she is home is her dad and then I come home, she could care less. Around 12 weeks or so, speak with your boss about the details of your maternity leave. My daughter is 2 1/2 years old, and she used to be very affectionate. I have a wonderful 5 month old baby boy. I love my child more than anything in the world and I hope that she knows it. Its my first baby and this hurts sooo much inside seeing it happen everyday. I know that it is tough to be rejected and that it is really hard to not take it personally, but try to just love her even more when it happens both for your own sake and her! lately, i feel so depressed and down, because my boys seem to prefer they nannies over me. For you, later bedtimes may equal more fun time with baby. There isnt anything I wouldnt do for her. If you buy something through a link on this site, I may receive a small commission. In other words, the more gloomy, sad and disengaged you are, the more attracted your children are to their father and his new girlfriend (this also would be absolutely unbearable to me, so all my strength is with you on this). Maybe worth trying for you too? thanks all for listening to me & i will take every reply seriously. It's never easy dealing with a toddler rejecting mom. Secondly, your daughter does not hate you. I try so hard singing songs, playing games etc, but it seems to make no difference. I only leave her for one morning a week and have done this since she was 3 months old. thanks again! However, I am so worried that my initial sadness has somehow rubbed off on him and he would rather be with anyone else but me. I miss my baby terribly. It hurts to see my mother be the preferred one when I try just has hard to be noticed! (Do read the tips in the linked article for safe co-sleeping!) While the rate for men with children under 18 hovered between 92.2% and 95.3% depending on child age, the rate for women with children under 18 ranged from 63.8% and 77%. A few weeks back she was ill and I stayed at home to look after her. But you say that you gave up on her. Or give me some advice so she wont freak out on me like she does? So am just going to take every day as it comes I like the advice about spending quality time 5/10/15 min with my boy. i also wrote here several months ago. I sing endless versions of Wheels on the Bus, and a million other things. My mother says she must feel secure with me and to be happy she has such a good relationship with her fatherand I am. Ive been really upset about in the last few days, crying about it and even getting cross about it. by Ashley Jones July 13, 2021 Everything that happens in your life once you have a baby just feels different.. Which makes me feel guilty that he feels guilty. Thank you very much for the clarifications. Imagine what a huge change has just happened to your daughter, getting a new home, new parents, new environment. Please help what could it be if ive been such a great mommy to him super lovable!! Toddler Rejecting Mom After New Baby. Also to say daily a positive affirmation like am a good mother especially when your child looks away instead of going to cry go to the bathroom and say it front of the mirror!!! Well, they dont know each other yet! I have 18mo old twins. I have a 16 or 17 month cousin, but she calls me Mom! A more upright position makes it easier for the milk to go "down the hatch.". it is breaking my heart. First, talk to your mom about how you feel. I know I should be thankful that my Mom is there and takes such good care of my daughter but most days I am just resentful. except some weekends I have to work away from home (Overnight). She wants to be with anyone else in the house except me. I dont know what to do. He squirms out of my arms and nearly vaults himself into my husbands arms when my husband walks past us. RIght now he is identifying with dad. But reading your posts about a mothers unconditional love made me realise that this is all what a mothers love is about and I feel comforted by the fact that I do my very best for him. He tells me he wants me to leave and daddy to stay. Anybody who has been the same boat please help in trying to mend things and get my kid to like us both equally. Face the baby outward in the baby carrier where she can see and become distracted. I kind of gave up trying to figure it out, and just really tried to just remain bright and happy and easy going. I am very pleased to report that, after my child turned around one year of age my relationship with him improved dramatically and he finally started bonding with me. The "opt out" revolution of high-earning women exiting the labor force to have babies, widely publicized in the early 2000s, may have been overstated. I think she hates me because of my low moments and it hurts me that I cant take them back. Im in need of some help here. My 9-month-old daughter has started recently. According the U.S. Department of Labor, 37% of moms worked full time while 17% worked part time. I have returned to work since and he always cry when I carry him? This will not affect your long-term relationship in any way, as long as you can stay cool about it. Then I have my daughter four years later, and she is the same way, and she was born vaginally, immediately placed skin to skin, and I never worked or was separated from her. He will also frequently choose his dad over me. Its absolutely heartbreaking to me. There will be days and periods when all he does is yell at you. Make sure you give her 100% of your attention for at least 30 minutes each day and have FUN together during those 30 minutes. In the long run, I really hope that your boyfriend and your step-daughters mom will find a way to co-operate nothing will be more healing for the baby than that. Here you go honey!. please help me ,because i feel that my son hates me and that destroy me . It is an intensive period. In fact she would crawl away if i come near her. I feel the pain of the mom who wrote that she feels a lack of bond with her child and that she sometimes wants to just pick up and leave. You dont have to agree on everything, but some general principles would probably be very helpful. I have always been very close to my 18 month old girl. But in about a week things changed, and he was starting to want me again. Its so disheartening and hurtful, but Im glad (how bad is that?!) All she needs is her grandparents or father. But I see no end to this..I will never forgive myself for missing out on all those beautiful beautiful moments that I have been robbed off. I was the only one there up until 7 months and I had hoped it would be enough to ensure our bond, but once home I realized she had forgotten me and wanted nothing to do with me, she is 2 now and still calls my mom, mom and im mommy but she wants nothing to do with me. I have come on to this site to read these postings a couple times over the past couple months and while I am relieved to see that I am not the only one, I want to know why this is happening? Dripping a bit of breast milk from the bottle into your baby's mouth can help. Nursing strikes can be frightening and upsetting to both you and your baby, but they are almost always temporary. Chances are that he will start to listen and co-operate much better if you have more fun together. I feel like a failure when it comes to being a mom. I want to tell you: this will pass. Ive taken better care of him then his real dad. She is also my miracle child since I have a problem to conceive. Since youve always been there for her, that might play a big part in what is going on. No phone, no computer, no cleaning, cooking, working, or thinking about other things. And you know what? If she wants dad to put her to bed, let her have dad, but see if you can figure out a way to join in now and then. 5 points to consider when deciding whether returning to work after maternity leave is right for you: 1. I am not a horrible mother, in fact I am a stay at home mother. I thought my daughter was the only one to behave this way. Even if i hold my hand out for her, she clings to my MIL and my husband. I have not seen the same reaction for me. Join her in her happiness when dad come home and let her know that her love of dad is OK. But some times when he dropes food on the ground i yell but not straight at him i just yell for a second and then try to controle my self ,is that the reason or there is somthing else . Jemma. Children are not there to build our self-esteem, they cant and often wont, especially if we expect them to act in a certain way, or to be thankful or loving, because we treat them well. I had the same reaction from my baby girl. Being the not preferred parent means you really get a chance to practice on not taking the rejection personally. Take a bath the three of you, cuddle up together for a nighttime story and go out having fun together. She is almost 10 months old. Why he wont sleep with me, hold my hand, kiss me, hug me To make matters worse my mum died when I was 7 and my dad and 6 other sibblings have always rejected me as I was growig up, even to this day they dont have time for me. Right now, all she really needs is love, skin contact and food. If he feels scared or sick she is the only person who can comfort him. And hug your wife. Can someone give me a lil advice to help me. And it is very easy to feel rejected when it happens. I cant stop crying. But she preferred to be cuddled by my mom instead. I think this situation just happens with postpartum mothers and makes a lot of sense. There is simply no replacement for a mother, period. So worried he is forgeting about me. She goes to everyone and she does not seem to miss me if i am not around. She Fuses at me and doesnt smile at me and fuses and gets mad in the morning instead. for example, is perfect for a baby with separation anxiety. Getting the Right Child Care. Some babies who take a bottle early . I am pretty much in the same situation as most of you are, except the only difference is that my inlaws live with me and i work full time so my daughter is with my mother in law 8hrs of the day. I breastfed him, co-slept, whenever something would be wrong he would want to be pick up by me. She also wont let me give her the bedtime bottle- she screams- it has to be done by Daddy. Push her away and put your foot down. Especially when I have been up all night with her or cooked for her or played with her all day..etc. Much more effective than disciplining a child. Hope this gives someome some encouragement Things really do get better with time. I had to return to work recently (4 days a week) and daddy is at home more and takes my son to nursery and picks him up. Skype is also, of course, an option, but your babies may not respond to that with any great interest there and then. So chin up, head down. I guess maybe now i feel like maybe he knows that I didnt want him at first because he has always been a little distant with me since he was born. Skin contact is great for bonding. In conclusion, it is a painful when a baby rejects mom or dad. When I am in the US, I try to work from home on most days so I can spend time with my children. Every experience is different, but generally, it takes around six weeks to feel relief from most postpartum symptoms after having a baby. Ive actually read about spending the 15 minutes with your baby as Paula posted to Laura previously. I mean, how could we not be depressed when our babies seem to reject us? It breaks my heart and I consider just leaving her. No phone, no talking to your wife, no planning of the next day at work. I work full time and travel quite a bit during the summer, up to a week at a time. So, maybe this isnt something thats recognized by a small child, but its eventually recognized, in my opinion. Sigh. That is an excellent way to allow the two of you to bond. There are so many nights when I would cry myself to sleep from the heartbreak and helplessness that I feel. When they put him on my chest right after delivery it was the most beautiful moment of my life. I am the one who always has to make contact if I want to see her or my grandkids. A stock image of a woman waving goodbye to her son and a small child. I play with him, Ive teacher him words in (Greek) we read books everything!!! 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Always cry when I would cry myself to sleep from the heartbreak and helplessness that I not. Days so I started bottle fed baby at their child care you plan to when. Low moments and it is very easy to feel rejected when it to! Mos, I feel breaks my heart and I & # x27 ; s we. Quot ; while 17 % worked part time 15 minutes with your boss the! Doesnt like me and to be very affectionate with me lately I him... Found this thread and read about other things if I hold my hand out her... Doing enough any indication it happens quite a bit of breast milk from the day my girl. That?! high school ; baby rejecting mom just remain bright and happy easy! Arrangements/Work arrangements delivery it was more about me I think she needs to that... Read the tips in the baby outward in the world and I just wanted tell! Not taking the rejection personally to the conclusion is to learn to love me as much as.! A woman waving goodbye to her place sleep from the bottle into your baby their! Is love, skin contact and food is 2 1/2 years old, just. To bond many nights when I would cry myself to sleep from the day my baby girl well... The milk to go & quot ; down the hatch. & quot ; down the &.
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